PREVIOUSLY IN “THE CHECKOUT GIRL” ANECDOTE: I fancied the big-nosed Polish girl from Sainsbury’s, bought t-shirt to impress her, went shopping, bought a tonne of crap, she...
A selection of the shit I've written thus far...
The Cancer Charity
The Bosnian Hoax
The Donkey Slap, The Millionnairess & The Rentboy
Is Clapping Common on the Northern Line?
The Birthday Splash
McCannswers – Reader Survey #1
The Last Date I Never Had
Operation Deepthroat
Who Is This Man?
The Checkout Girl – Part II
Why God Hates Free Newspapers
Tonight my journey from work to the Tube was not quite as eventful as last night’s but an interesting thing happened when I arrived at Oxford Circus station. Getting to the station is always a...
My True Colours
“Whit’s yer favourite colour wee man?” It’s a strange question to be asked in a dank seedy underpass. Maybe when I answered, the other young chap urinating against the wall...
Times I Have Been Punched
Thankfully, this is not part one of a series, but still this post is longer than I’d like. Getting punched has always taken me by surprise. Whereas in a fight, I’d be ready and aware that...
Rules For Complimenting A Lady
Women love compliments. FACT. Women hate compliments. Bizarrely, also FACT. The incompatibility of these two statements has vexed me since I first uttered the phrase “that’s a smashing...
How I Lost My Vodka
There are a lot of stories on this site that involve drinking, but to be honest it came as a shock to me how many actually don’t. When I first started writing this blog, I assumed it would...
The Wrong Kind Of Gym Body
Do I go to the gym? Well, thanks for asking. People rarely ask me that, I don’t know why. Even the staff of Fitness First round the corner from work never ask me, as they patrol the streets...
The Piccadilly Croatian Crack Whore iPod Cry Rape Rip-Off
Soho is the creative beggary capital of Western Europe (as well as creative buggery, mind). Where other places just have pickpockets, muggers and teams of organised well-salaried gypsy begchildren...
Airport Insecurity
Me and airports don’t really get on. I think it stems from the notion of having to be there at a certain time (my timekeeping is legendary for all the wrong reasons) and also because there is...
The Capital C Word
With the title of this post and the last, people might be worried this site is going all Sesame Street themed, but no, just a coincidence. No-one would ever call me conservative with a lower-case c...
My Bizarre Phobias
If you think you’ve got some weird phobias, have a read of this shit I have to put up with… Firstly a bit of context, I’ll get onto the bizarre stuff further down. I’m not...
Why Do People Hate The Tube, It’s Amazing!
One thing sets me aside from all other Londoners. I love the Tube, sometimes the Tube journey contains the highlights of my day. Sure it’s cramped and stuffy and almost unbearable in summer...
The Day I Nearly Blew Up Parliament
“Hey look at this guy,” one armed policeman said to the other, “Look how … how WHITE he is! White as a freshly seized haul of cocaine. White as a transit van that’s up...
Four Play
This story is just a prelude to a bigger anecdote I am writing which will take about an hour to read and have a spectacular climax. Someone asked me recently if I was a theatre buff. Nice to have an...
The Girlfriend, The Spillage & The E-mail Chain
This is my ex. I know right. Hot. She was my actual girlfriend for an actual period of time. It was official and she fully agreed with being known as my girlfriend. She even referred to me as her...
Where No McCann Has Gone Before
You’re probably surprised to see another dating story given that a couple of months ago I posted this scathing rant about the women on match.com. I pretty much considered myself done with...
The Darts Conundrum
It seems even this website itself isn’t immune to random happenings. I decided to take a look at my site’s stats to see how many reads I was getting on recent posts. One of the stats...
The Ironman Tequila Shot
In my tequila days I was pretty much open to any tequila-based dare. I was at a leaving party and I was targeted by a tequila terrorist – a rather gnomish former colleague who dared me to do an...
How I Got My PlayStation
So I’d left my job as the world’s most smartly dressed web designer as described in an earlier post, and intended to set up business for myself, tired of the thankless grind of corporate...
The Secret Of Smokey Island
I am planning to quit smoking tomorrow, February 1st.; this will be the second time I’ve quit. I only started smoking in 2007 and stopped in early 2011, only to start again at the end of last...
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus
As the internet began to be widely used, but was still relatively new, people began to realise fairly quickly that it could be used for mischief. I’m sure we all remember the chain letters that...
I Saw Five Nipples On The Tube Today
When I made the above statement to a colleague last summer the response was not “How did that happen?” or even “Cool, what line were you on?”. Rather it was “But why not...
The Blue Shark & The Frisbee
Café Sol in Clapham was an old haunt of mine when I used to work in the area. In fact it was a Friday night mainstay for about a quarter of the company. A Tex-Mex restaurant by day and evening, the...
The Underground Pie Fight
I snapped tonight. No, I’ve not been doing yoga again, this was on the commute home. If you’re a regular reader you will know this has been coming for some time, my journey to the Tube an...
The Eurovision Party
It’s customary to have an annual Eurovision party at my place, usually involving the same group of cultured friends who appreciate this annual music festival (and home to the greatest new...
The Fishy Paypacket
I’ve had a varied career; games marketing, music management, publishing, web design, icing doughnuts, labouring, gutting fish. I guess for some reason I don’t really talk about the last...
