Bambus used to be my drink of choice – it’s basically red wine and coke, and not as disgusting as you might think. As someone who never liked red wine, it was the perfect option in group...
A selection of the shit I've written thus far...
Dissecting The Bird In The Salad
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II
What The Fuck Is This Shit?
The Checkout Girl – Part I
The Last Date I Never Had
How I Got My PlayStation
The Girlfriend, The Spillage & The E-mail Chain
I Saw Five Nipples On The Tube Today
Welcome to Birmingham
Blood, Red Wine & Tears
Why Do People Hate The Tube, It’s Amazing!
One thing sets me aside from all other Londoners. I love the Tube, sometimes the Tube journey contains the highlights of my day. Sure it’s cramped and stuffy and almost unbearable in summer...
The Hotel Sextape
Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of...
The Date Of The Dead
I have mentioned before my annoyance with the sameyness of online dating profiles. Every girl out there seems to be the same skiing, mountain-climbing, horse-riding booklover who likes travelling and...
Other Alan McCanns of the Internet
I’ve had my legal department in my office all day, we have been discussing the potential complications of posting things that aren’t technically anecdotes on this site, and the legal...
The Piccadilly Croatian Crack Whore iPod Cry Rape Rip-Off
Soho is the creative beggary capital of Western Europe (as well as creative buggery, mind). Where other places just have pickpockets, muggers and teams of organised well-salaried gypsy begchildren...
The Secret Of Smokey Island
I am planning to quit smoking tomorrow, February 1st.; this will be the second time I’ve quit. I only started smoking in 2007 and stopped in early 2011, only to start again at the end of last...
Is Clapping Common on the Northern Line?
The Tube has always been a source of amusement for me, as you might have discovered in one of my earliest posts (the coloured underlined text is a hint to go and discover it now if you hadn’t...
The Penis, the Pint Glass and the Photocopier
In my defence of the classic tale you are about to read, I would say – not many aspiring comedy bloggers could squeeze three different cocks into a single anecdote. In fact, I would probably...
Sitting On Your Arse Playing PlayStation All Day?
Sadly, I can’t tell many of my stories from work, because either a) you had to be there, b) you wouldn’t know the people or the backstory, or c) they are commercially sensitive. And...
Times I Have Been Punched
Thankfully, this is not part one of a series, but still this post is longer than I’d like. Getting punched has always taken me by surprise. Whereas in a fight, I’d be ready and aware that...
My True Colours
“Whit’s yer favourite colour wee man?” It’s a strange question to be asked in a dank seedy underpass. Maybe when I answered, the other young chap urinating against the wall...
The Woman With A Trolley For Her Tits
You see a lot of strange things in Soho. In my usual smoking spot in Ramillies Place around the corner from work the traffic is always fascinating. In this one small street we have a beauty school, a...
McCannswers – Reader Survey #1
McCannecdotes.com is now home to around 20,000 words of random mccanecdotal shit. This survey lets you have your say in the kind of shit I focus on for the next 20,000 words. Please give as much...
The Donkey Slap, The Millionnairess & The Rentboy
They say “the best things in life are free” right? Which is great because I have no money because I spend it all on shit, and trust me the shit things in life are expensive. But they also...
The Online Dating Game, Part II
A couple of weeks ago, I sent some of my online dating questionnaire to one my female friends, to see what she thought. She responded with just this mocking quote: “I found this really cute...
How I Lost My Vodka
There are a lot of stories on this site that involve drinking, but to be honest it came as a shock to me how many actually don’t. When I first started writing this blog, I assumed it would...
The Man Who Was Just Looking For The PlayStation
It was just before Christmas and I had a half day so left work about 2pm, and walked past the London Palladium on my way to the Tube and up Chugger Boulevard. Chugger Boulevard, aka Argyll Street, is...
The Day I Nearly Blew Up Parliament
“Hey look at this guy,” one armed policeman said to the other, “Look how … how WHITE he is! White as a freshly seized haul of cocaine. White as a transit van that’s up...
In The Dreamtime
So I was out last night and managed to pick up this extremely hot girl in the bar, whose only intention seemed to be to take home the first person who chatted her up. We went back to her place...
The Coming Out & The Punchbag
My first flatmates in London were a gay couple, I’d moved here to London with them. We’d all been friends working at the same company in Birmingham, and neither of them had come out yet...
Other Alan McCanns of the Internet 2 (the music edition)
So as I was googling my own name, I saw a suggested related search was “alan mccann music”. Now I knew to expect Alan McCann the sound engineer to pop up here, I’ll get on to him in...
Things I Shouldn’t Have Said To Women
I’m well-known for my way with words with women, sadly not quite in the manner I’d hope for. If there’s something inappropriate to be said I have a habit of saying it and if...
The Blue Shark & The Frisbee
Café Sol in Clapham was an old haunt of mine when I used to work in the area. In fact it was a Friday night mainstay for about a quarter of the company. A Tex-Mex restaurant by day and evening, the...
The Checkout Girl – Part II
PREVIOUSLY IN “THE CHECKOUT GIRL” ANECDOTE: I fancied the big-nosed Polish girl from Sainsbury’s, bought t-shirt to impress her, went shopping, bought a tonne of crap, she...
The Aliens Up Above Us
The people upstairs have always been weird. I don’t mean the people who currently live upstairs have displayed consistently bizarre behaviour in the time I’ve known them. I mean the...
