My first flatmates in London were a gay couple, I’d moved here to London with them. We’d all been friends working at the same company in Birmingham, and neither of them had come out yet...
A selection of the shit I've written thus far...
The Darts Conundrum
The Cash Machine Karma
The Aliens Up Above Us
Rules For Complimenting A Lady
Training At Work
I Saw Five Nipples On The Tube Today
The Man Who Was Just Looking For The PlayStation
The Capital C Word
The Girlfriend, The Spillage & The E-mail Chain
The Coming Out & The Punchbag
The Date With The Mummy
I was seeing this girl and it was getting serious, we’d been on quite a lot of dates but there was a problem, she kept vomiting. To begin with it was quite cute because I knew that no matter if...
An Experiment In User-Generated Content
It’s 3 o’clock in the fucking morning and I’m partway through 6 new McCannecdotes – have you any idea how long it takes to search the internet for funny stories and then...
The Condom Conundrum
Some things are supposed to be hard when comes to making love, buying condoms should not be one of them. In the 1980s and 90s long before I knew what condoms were, believing them to be some kind of...
So I Stole A Random Woman’s Handbag…
Yeah so like the title said, yesterday, I stole a woman’s handbag. She was walking along the street where I work; well, I say walking, she was wearing high heels clearly far higher than she had...
The Swedophile Ring
With the Eurovision Song Contest taking place in Malmo, Sweden this year, I’m already well-prepared in advance for the festivities, with a Swedish flag and a Swedish sash with Sweden written on...
In The Dreamtime
So I was out last night and managed to pick up this extremely hot girl in the bar, whose only intention seemed to be to take home the first person who chatted her up. We went back to her place...
Things I Shouldn’t Have Said To Women
I’m well-known for my way with words with women, sadly not quite in the manner I’d hope for. If there’s something inappropriate to be said I have a habit of saying it and if...
Tube Map Picture Quiz
Really bored? And yet also bored of all the content on this site? Have you literally read everything, or aren’t in the slightest bit interested in my ramblings but ended up here by mistake...
Why Do People Hate The Tube, It’s Amazing!
One thing sets me aside from all other Londoners. I love the Tube, sometimes the Tube journey contains the highlights of my day. Sure it’s cramped and stuffy and almost unbearable in summer...
The Tooting Samaritan
It has been a particularly shitty 7 days so I am going to pull out a good deed McCannecdote™ to cheer everyone up, principally myself… So, it was a Thursday night, and I was heading home after...
The Ginger Man & The Strip Club
I had a long list of things to achieve before I was 30. The usual stuff, publish novel, win BAFTA, marry Ashley Judd. I compiled this list when I was 20, and ten years seemed like ample time to...
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II
I write this from my bunker deep underneath the streets of Tooting. The Internet Dumbfuck Virus has been spreading and me and my loved ones have taken shelter (by loved ones I mean cat, Lara Croft...
Who Is This Man?
On a lazy Sunday morning when I can’t be arsed to leave the house, it seems the anecdotes come to me instead… My sleep was regularly interrupted by many buzzings at the front door this...
The Online Dating Game, Part II
A couple of weeks ago, I sent some of my online dating questionnaire to one my female friends, to see what she thought. She responded with just this mocking quote: “I found this really cute...
The Piccadilly Croatian Crack Whore iPod Cry Rape Rip-Off
Soho is the creative beggary capital of Western Europe (as well as creative buggery, mind). Where other places just have pickpockets, muggers and teams of organised well-salaried gypsy begchildren...
The Monastery & the Nude Beach
Ah, the nude beach story. A classic. In fact this is the only anecdote on this site that has been written about before, back on my old holiday blog from my trip around the former Yugoslavia in 2007...
The Ironman Tequila Shot
In my tequila days I was pretty much open to any tequila-based dare. I was at a leaving party and I was targeted by a tequila terrorist – a rather gnomish former colleague who dared me to do an...
The Hotel Sextape
Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of...
Blood, Red Wine & Tears
Bambus used to be my drink of choice – it’s basically red wine and coke, and not as disgusting as you might think. As someone who never liked red wine, it was the perfect option in group...
How I Got My PlayStation
So I’d left my job as the world’s most smartly dressed web designer as described in an earlier post, and intended to set up business for myself, tired of the thankless grind of corporate...
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus
As the internet began to be widely used, but was still relatively new, people began to realise fairly quickly that it could be used for mischief. I’m sure we all remember the chain letters that...
The Naked Neighbour
A letter from a (now former) upstairs neighbour, pushed under our door, to explain the ‘commotion’ of the previous evening. This anecdote tells itself really; maybe this is the way...
My True Colours
“Whit’s yer favourite colour wee man?” It’s a strange question to be asked in a dank seedy underpass. Maybe when I answered, the other young chap urinating against the wall...
The Date Of The Dead
I have mentioned before my annoyance with the sameyness of online dating profiles. Every girl out there seems to be the same skiing, mountain-climbing, horse-riding booklover who likes travelling and...
The Nudist, the Nutcase & the Earthquake
I recounted in my previous post how I found myself in Birmingham living and working. I had settled in the Moseley area, very leafy and green and popular with students, which meant that a lot of my...
