As I sat on a video call, a few months into COVID working-from-home, our European head honcho was giving the whole UK team an inspirational talk about the achievements of the past year, and the challenges ahead. With a captive...
LATEST McCANNECDOTES
The Professor, the Detective and the Bond Villain
This is the second part of my tales about autograph-hunting and celebrity-meeting. Instead of calling these Part I and Part II, I have signalled the connection by threading a commonality into the title – this advanced...
The Author, the Kitten and the Bond Villain
This two-part compendium is all about celebrity autographs, a true rabbit warren of a topic for me. What started out as “why don’t I tell the story about the time I met Hannah Fry at a book signing” (because...
The Parcels & The Porno
This story, if the villains of the tale had their way, would actually have been painstakingly written out with pen and paper, delivered personally to each of my readers (cue some joke about the paltry McCannecdotes fanbase, but...
COLLECTION: How I Bought A House
How I Bought A House, Part VI
I feel before we progress any further, a short course in Roman Numerals is required in case people start to get lost in the number of parts this story has evolved into. I delegate this course to my...
How I Bought A House, Part V
Valentine’s Day was approaching, and this day is usually very eventful for me. Eventful in a card-writing and -posting type way, rarely eventful in a romantic dinner or lovemaking type way. But...
How I Bought A House, Part IV
Where were we? Ah yes, Bromley. No, Strood. No no, Tooting! That’s it. Tooting with an air of impending dread. February 2019, with a mission to find and completely buy a house by June or face...
How I Bought A House, Part III
What would happen is, we’d have a burst of house viewings, then get fed up, then take a break for a while (usually a year or year-and-a-half) then something would coax us out of house-hunting...
How I Bought A House, Part II
We were well and truly in the midst of househunting. We’d been places, we’d seen places, we’d even visited the bank to sound them out on how much money they would be willing to give...
How I Bought A House, Part I
The title is important here. This is not “How To Buy A House” – and if you’ve arrived here after a Google search on such a topic, then be immediately advised you will not find...
COLLECTION: The Wedding Trilogy
The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I
“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...
The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II
Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...
The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III
Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...
A selection of the shit I've written thus far...
The Eurovision Party
McCannswers – Reader Survey #1
The Academic Works Of McCann
Why God Hates Free Newspapers
The Tooting Samaritan
The Butter-Basted Bastard
The Birthday Splash
The Penis, the Pint Glass and the Photocopier
The Case of Mistaken Identity
How I Bought A House, Part III
The Polish Incident
You Can Call Me “Al…”?
Airport Insecurity
Operation Deepthroat
How I Lost My Vodka
My First Sober Year
How I Bought A House, Part II
The Date With The Mummy
So I Stole A Random Woman’s Handbag…
Welcome to Birmingham
The Accidental Racist
The Coming Out & The Punchbag
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II
The Tramp On The Train
The Date Of The Dead
The Checkout Girl – Part I
The Blue Shark & The Frisbee
The Black Woman Who Thought She Was White (And Was Racist. And Had Tourette’s.)
Who Wants To Date A Bosnian
Sitting On Your Arse Playing PlayStation All Day?
Why Do People Hate The Tube, It’s Amazing!
The Day I Nearly Blew Up Parliament
Who Is This Man?
Things I Shouldn’t Have Said To Women
The Naked Neighbour
