“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...
COLLECTION: The Wedding Trilogy
The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II
Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...
The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III
Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...
A selection of the shit I've written thus far...
The Swedophile Ring
The Bosnian Hoax
Who Is This Man?
The Lunatic and the Poltergeist
My First Sober Year
My True Colours
The Supermarket Swipe, Part II
Things I Shouldn’t Have Said To Women
The Capital C Word
Blood, Red Wine & Tears
The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II
Times I Have Been Punched
The Day I Nearly Blew Up Parliament
The Black Woman Who Thought She Was White (And Was Racist. And Had Tourette’s.)
The Ironman Tequila Shot
The Naked Neighbour
Is Clapping Common on the Northern Line?
The Man Who Was Just Looking For The PlayStation
The Broken Back & The Expensive Butt
The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III
The Checkout Girl – Part II
The Girlfriend, The Spillage & The E-mail Chain
The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I
Taking The Tube To Manchester
The Blue Shark & The Frisbee
Airport Insecurity
An Experiment In User-Generated Content
The Date With The Mummy
The Accidental Racist
The Darts Conundrum
Operation Deepthroat
The Fishy Paypacket
The Last Date I Never Had
The Monastery & the Nude Beach
The Date With The Drug Dealer
