This is where you’ll find the text I’ve written to introduce my blog. It will be engaging and contextualise the breadth of content available on McCannecdotes. But a post below about a date gone wrong, or a nudey mishap might just catch your eye and you’ll never even read this.

LATEST McCANNECDOTES

The Case of Mistaken Identity

This story is set in Rome. I’m saying this upfront because most of my stories take place in Tooting, Gravesend or Birmingham, and I feel this is an exotic touch which will engage readers (millenials mostly) and give people...

The Academic Works Of McCann

People who have become accustomed to reading stories on this site about incontinent vomiting Polish girls and bitch-fighting Thai lesbians (the early days) or anecdotes about me house-hunting or my kitchen appliances breaking...

The Frosty Reception

So I ended my last house move story with a cliffhanger, and then in the meantime I wrote a totally different post about something else (noodles and an incinerated crotch). I’m aware this is not how cliffhangers work but...

The Cursed Noodles

I was awoken yesterday by a WhatsApp from my neighbour, telling me he was going to the Chinese supermarket (he is Chinese) and then to the Korean supermarket and Vietnamese supermarkets (he is Chinese), and did I want to come...

COLLECTION: How I Bought A House

How I Bought A House, Part VI

I feel before we progress any further, a short course in Roman Numerals is required in case people start to get lost in the number of parts this story has evolved into. I delegate this course to my...

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How I Bought A House, Part V

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and this day is usually very eventful for me. Eventful in a card-writing and -posting type way, rarely eventful in a romantic dinner or lovemaking type way. But...

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How I Bought A House, Part IV

Where were we? Ah yes, Bromley. No, Strood. No no, Tooting! That’s it. Tooting with an air of impending dread. February 2019, with a mission to find and completely buy a house by June or face...

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How I Bought A House, Part III

What would happen is, we’d have a burst of house viewings, then get fed up, then take a break for a while (usually a year or year-and-a-half) then something would coax us out of house-hunting...

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How I Bought A House, Part II

We were well and truly in the midst of househunting. We’d been places, we’d seen places, we’d even visited the bank to sound them out on how much money they would be willing to give...

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How I Bought A House, Part I

The title is important here. This is not “How To Buy A House” – and if you’ve arrived here after a Google search on such a topic, then be immediately advised you will not find...

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COLLECTION: The Wedding Trilogy

The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I

“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...

The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II

Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...

The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III

Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...

A selection of the shit I've written thus far...