Category - New

The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III

Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...

The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II

Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...

The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I

“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...

The Broken Back & The Expensive Butt

There’s a junction with a pedestrian crossing outside Tooting Broadway Underground Station that’s basically a death trap. So much so, that when my work team had a social event there one...

The South Korean Shenanigans, Part II

A recap of the story so far, as recorded by the Samsung customer service chatbot in its daily report. CUSTOMER REPORTS MALFUNCTION IN PREMIUM NETBALL OVEN. START STOPPED STARTING, WAVES WON’T...

The South Korean Shenanigans, Part I

First, a warning. this post is far more mundane than the Robert Ludlum-esque spy thriller title suggests. Oh it’s full of twists and turns sure, phone calls between strangers, masked men with...

The Lunatic and the Poltergeist

This is the prologue to a series of posts about my little sister’s wedding. After reading the title, feel free to allow your imagination to run wild about where this is going. My sister is...

The Accidental Racist

Now, I don’t have a racist bone in my body (which I always found to be a weird phrase since bones are all white…) so barring a few slip ups like the argument over whether a girl was brown...

The Butter-Basted Bastard

You can listen to this instead of reading it with the podcast thingies above. Sorry there’s two but the app I got cut me off after 15 minutes, then asked me to rate the app. OH I WILL. Oh. I...

The Netball Difference

So I got chatting to this girl. She said she was really into football. I said “oh really, how quaint because you’re a woman, what position do you play? Striker? Midfield? Goalkeeper maybe...