Category - Home Life

The Frosty Reception

So I ended my last house move story with a cliffhanger, and then in the meantime I wrote a totally different post about something else (noodles and an incinerated crotch). I’m aware this is not...

The Furniture Fuckery

I’d taken the morning off to head to Gravesend to pick up my keys, and go see my new house for the first time since the initial viewing. I’d received advice from a lot of people that I...

How I Bought A House, Part VI

I feel before we progress any further, a short course in Roman Numerals is required in case people start to get lost in the number of parts this story has evolved into. I delegate this course to my...

How I Bought A House, Part V

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and this day is usually very eventful for me. Eventful in a card-writing and -posting type way, rarely eventful in a romantic dinner or lovemaking type way. But...

How I Bought A House, Part IV

Where were we? Ah yes, Bromley. No, Strood. No no, Tooting! That’s it. Tooting with an air of impending dread. February 2019, with a mission to find and completely buy a house by June or face...

How I Bought A House, Part III

What would happen is, we’d have a burst of house viewings, then get fed up, then take a break for a while (usually a year or year-and-a-half) then something would coax us out of house-hunting...

How I Bought A House, Part II

We were well and truly in the midst of househunting. We’d been places, we’d seen places, we’d even visited the bank to sound them out on how much money they would be willing to give...

How I Bought A House, Part I

The title is important here. This is not “How To Buy A House” – and if you’ve arrived here after a Google search on such a topic, then be immediately advised you will not find...

The Lunatic and the Poltergeist

This is the prologue to a series of posts about my little sister’s wedding. After reading the title, feel free to allow your imagination to run wild about where this is going. My sister is...

The Butter-Basted Bastard

You can listen to this instead of reading it with the podcast thingies above. Sorry there’s two but the app I got cut me off after 15 minutes, then asked me to rate the app. OH I WILL. Oh. I...

The Aliens Up Above Us

The people upstairs have always been weird. I don’t mean the people who currently live upstairs have displayed consistently bizarre behaviour in the time I’ve known them. I mean the...

The Coming Out & The Punchbag

My first flatmates in London were a gay couple, I’d moved here to London with them. We’d all been friends working at the same company in Birmingham, and neither of them had come out yet...