This is where you’ll find the text I’ve written to introduce my blog. It will be engaging and contextualise the breadth of content available on McCannecdotes. But a post below about a date gone wrong, or a nudey mishap might just catch your eye and you’ll never even read this.

A selection of the shit I've written thus far...

Welcome to Birmingham

My first job was in Birmingham and I lived there for two and a half years between 2001 and 2003. It’s a misunderstood place, not quite the shithole everyone is led to believe, but it never gave...

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In The Dreamtime

So I was out last night and managed to pick up this extremely hot girl in the bar, whose only intention seemed to be to take home the first person who chatted her up. We went back to her place...

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The Darts Conundrum

It seems even this website itself isn’t immune to random happenings. I decided to take a look at my site’s stats to see how many reads I was getting on recent posts. One of the stats...

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The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II

I write this from my bunker deep underneath the streets of Tooting. The Internet Dumbfuck Virus has been spreading and me and my loved ones have taken shelter (by loved ones I mean cat, Lara Croft...

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The Birthday Splash

As it is my birthday, and I am fairly suicidal at the prospect of being 35, I thought it might be good to reminisce about my best birthday ever. I’ve never been a birthdays person, in fact at...

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How I Lost My Vodka

There are a lot of stories on this site that involve drinking, but to be honest it came as a shock to me how many actually don’t. When I first started writing this blog, I assumed it would...

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Rules For Complimenting A Lady

Women love compliments. FACT. Women hate compliments. Bizarrely, also FACT. The incompatibility of these two statements has vexed me since I first uttered the phrase “that’s a smashing...

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My True Colours

“Whit’s yer favourite colour wee man?” It’s a strange question to be asked in a dank seedy underpass. Maybe when I answered, the other young chap urinating against the wall...

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The Capital C Word

With the title of this post and the last, people might be worried this site is going all Sesame Street themed, but no, just a coincidence. No-one would ever call me conservative with a lower-case c...

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How I Got My PlayStation

So I’d left my job as the world’s most smartly dressed web designer as described in an earlier post, and intended to set up business for myself, tired of the thankless grind of corporate...

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Four Play

This story is just a prelude to a bigger anecdote I am writing which will take about an hour to read and have a spectacular climax. Someone asked me recently if I was a theatre buff. Nice to have an...

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The Monastery & the Nude Beach

Ah, the nude beach story. A classic. In fact this is the only anecdote on this site that has been written about before, back on my old holiday blog from my trip around the former Yugoslavia in 2007...

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What The Fuck Is This Shit?

Hello, welcome to my blog. A few people have suggested I should write down the comedy happenings which seem to occur everyday in my life, and most likely, those few people will be the only people who...

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The Blue Shark & The Frisbee

Café Sol in Clapham was an old haunt of mine when I used to work in the area. In fact it was a Friday night mainstay for about a quarter of the company. A Tex-Mex restaurant by day and evening, the...

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Why God Hates Free Newspapers

Tonight my journey from work to the Tube was not quite as eventful as last night’s but an interesting thing happened when I arrived at Oxford Circus station. Getting to the station is always a...

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The Hotel Sextape

Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of...

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Who Is This Man?

On a lazy Sunday morning when I can’t be arsed to leave the house, it seems the anecdotes come to me instead… My sleep was regularly interrupted by many buzzings at the front door this...

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Other Alan McCanns of the Internet

I’ve had my legal department in my office all day, we have been discussing the potential complications of posting things that aren’t technically anecdotes on this site, and the legal...

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The Fishy Paypacket

I’ve had a varied career; games marketing, music management, publishing, web design, icing doughnuts, labouring, gutting fish. I guess for some reason I don’t really talk about the last...

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Who Wants To Date A Bosnian

My dating videos have generally been pretty successful, this is the story of one that bucked the trend, and made the girl in question … well, run away quickly. There are some similarities here...

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Tube Map Picture Quiz

Really bored? And yet also bored of all the content on this site? Have you literally read everything, or aren’t in the slightest bit interested in my ramblings but ended up here by mistake...

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The Tooting Samaritan

It has been a particularly shitty 7 days so I am going to pull out a good deed McCannecdote™ to cheer everyone up, principally myself… So, it was a Thursday night, and I was heading home after...

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Airport Insecurity

Me and airports don’t really get on. I think it stems from the notion of having to be there at a certain time (my timekeeping is legendary for all the wrong reasons) and also because there is...

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The Bosnian Hoax

I was out in Soho celebrating a birthday party in our IT team. It was my second engagement of the night after a celebratory well-done-everyone project completion party, so I was nicely oiled by the...

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Meanwhile, Back On Match.com

So I wiped my match.com profile in May or June, having completely had it with online dating for a while, and specifically with that website. I probably ranted about how I was never going back and...

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The Condom Conundrum

Some things are supposed to be hard when comes to making love, buying condoms should not be one of them. In the 1980s and 90s long before I knew what condoms were, believing them to be some kind of...

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The Secret Of Smokey Island

I am planning to quit smoking tomorrow, February 1st.; this will be the second time I’ve quit. I only started smoking in 2007 and stopped in early 2011, only to start again at the end of last...

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The Woman With A Trolley For Her Tits

You see a lot of strange things in Soho. In my usual smoking spot in Ramillies Place around the corner from work the traffic is always fascinating. In this one small street we have a beauty school, a...

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The Eurovision Party

It’s customary to have an annual Eurovision party at my place, usually involving the same group of cultured friends who appreciate this annual music festival (and home to the greatest new...

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