Author - Alan McCann

The Lofty Ambition

As I sat on a video call, a few months into COVID working-from-home, our European head honcho was giving the whole UK team an inspirational talk about the achievements of the past year, and the...

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The Parcels & The Porno

This story, if the villains of the tale had their way, would actually have been painstakingly written out with pen and paper, delivered personally to each of my readers (cue some joke about the...

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The Fly, the Mask, the Girl and her Netball

I don’t know when exactly it became commonplace for flies to be left undone. I think it must have happened during the first COVID lockdown. All I know is by the time I started leaving the house...

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The Case of Mistaken Identity

This story is set in Rome. I’m saying this upfront because most of my stories take place in Tooting, Gravesend or Birmingham, and I feel this is an exotic touch which will engage readers...

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The Academic Works Of McCann

People who have become accustomed to reading stories on this site about incontinent vomiting Polish girls and bitch-fighting Thai lesbians (the early days) or anecdotes about me house-hunting or my...

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The Frosty Reception

So I ended my last house move story with a cliffhanger, and then in the meantime I wrote a totally different post about something else (noodles and an incinerated crotch). I’m aware this is not...

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The Cursed Noodles

I was awoken yesterday by a WhatsApp from my neighbour, telling me he was going to the Chinese supermarket (he is Chinese) and then to the Korean supermarket and Vietnamese supermarkets (he is...

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The Furniture Fuckery

I’d taken the morning off to head to Gravesend to pick up my keys, and go see my new house for the first time since the initial viewing. I’d received advice from a lot of people that I...

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How I Bought A House, Part VI

I feel before we progress any further, a short course in Roman Numerals is required in case people start to get lost in the number of parts this story has evolved into. I delegate this course to my...

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How I Bought A House, Part V

Valentine’s Day was approaching, and this day is usually very eventful for me. Eventful in a card-writing and -posting type way, rarely eventful in a romantic dinner or lovemaking type way. But...

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