Author - Alan McCann

The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III

Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...

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The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II

Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...

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The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I

“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...

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The Broken Back & The Expensive Butt

There’s a junction with a pedestrian crossing outside Tooting Broadway Underground Station that’s basically a death trap. So much so, that when my work team had a social event there one...

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The South Korean Shenanigans, Part II

A recap of the story so far, as recorded by the Samsung customer service chatbot in its daily report. CUSTOMER REPORTS MALFUNCTION IN PREMIUM NETBALL OVEN. START STOPPED STARTING, WAVES WON’T...

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The South Korean Shenanigans, Part I

First, a warning. this post is far more mundane than the Robert Ludlum-esque spy thriller title suggests. Oh it’s full of twists and turns sure, phone calls between strangers, masked men with...

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The Lunatic and the Poltergeist

This is the prologue to a series of posts about my little sister’s wedding. After reading the title, feel free to allow your imagination to run wild about where this is going. My sister is...

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The Accidental Racist

Now, I don’t have a racist bone in my body (which I always found to be a weird phrase since bones are all white…) so barring a few slip ups like the argument over whether a girl was brown...

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The Butter-Basted Bastard

You can listen to this instead of reading it with the podcast thingies above. Sorry there’s two but the app I got cut me off after 15 minutes, then asked me to rate the app. OH I WILL. Oh. I...

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The Netball Difference

So I got chatting to this girl. She said she was really into football. I said “oh really, how quaint because you’re a woman, what position do you play? Striker? Midfield? Goalkeeper maybe...

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You Can Call Me “Al…”?

This is my four year Alcoholics Anonymous “sobriety chip”. I have one for each milestone, major and minor, since I quit the booze in 2012 – from 24 Hours on. At AA you receive these chips...

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The Hotel Sextape

Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of...

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