Where were we? Ah yes, Bromley. No, Strood. No no, Tooting! That’s it. Tooting with an air of impending dread. February 2019, with a mission to find and completely buy a house by June or face...
Author - Alan McCann
How I Bought A House, Part III
What would happen is, we’d have a burst of house viewings, then get fed up, then take a break for a while (usually a year or year-and-a-half) then something would coax us out of house-hunting...
How I Bought A House, Part II
We were well and truly in the midst of househunting. We’d been places, we’d seen places, we’d even visited the bank to sound them out on how much money they would be willing to give...
How I Bought A House, Part I
The title is important here. This is not “How To Buy A House” – and if you’ve arrived here after a Google search on such a topic, then be immediately advised you will not find...
The Supermarket Swipe, Part II
Whether I arrived at work at 9am or 10am largely depended on the morning Sainsbury’s smoking run. Most mornings I’d be reminded of the bank job from The Young Ones where Neil complains...
The Supermarket Swipe, Part I
This story is about mass riots, dating and porn stars and ends with a startling confession of a true crime. It has involved extensive use of the part of my brain that deals with obscure anecdotal...
The Wedding (Nearly Mine) Part III
Part II of the story raised a lot of questions from eager readers. “How much did the haircut cost?” “Did you get laid?” and “There’s only one more of these wedding...
The Wedding (Still Not Mine) Part II
Look at me in this picture. Look how perfect my 20-minute M&S suit looks, and it’s the right colour too. But where did I get my haircut? You’ll never guess, but luckily I have typed...
The Wedding (Not Mine) Part I
“So how old’s Laura now?” Dougie asks us. Dougie is a distant relative; we’re at the wedding reception of my sister Laura. “Twenty eight now,” my brother replies...
The Broken Back & The Expensive Butt
There’s a junction with a pedestrian crossing outside Tooting Broadway Underground Station that’s basically a death trap. So much so, that when my work team had a social event there one...
The South Korean Shenanigans, Part II
A recap of the story so far, as recorded by the Samsung customer service chatbot in its daily report. CUSTOMER REPORTS MALFUNCTION IN PREMIUM NETBALL OVEN. START STOPPED STARTING, WAVES WON’T...
The South Korean Shenanigans, Part I
First, a warning. this post is far more mundane than the Robert Ludlum-esque spy thriller title suggests. Oh it’s full of twists and turns sure, phone calls between strangers, masked men with...