In my tequila days I was pretty much open to any tequila-based dare.

I was at a leaving party and I was targeted by a tequila terrorist – a rather gnomish former colleague who dared me to do an “Ironman Tequila”. Never heard of it.

Apparently:

1) you snort the salt – it’s just like cheap cocaine right?

2) you drink the shot – the easy part, was a mighty big shot though.

3) you squirt the lime in your eye – ha ha mental, I’d have to be really drunk to do that.

I was really drunk, so I said “sure hit me up”.

The spritely spirited spirit sprite spirited the spirit, along with the salt and the lime, and everyone crowded round to watch me do this incredibly sensible, manly and brave thing. I was not to know he had tried it with all of them and they’d all told him to fuck off back to the Shire.

Where the fuck does the salt go...?
Where the fuck does the salt go…?

I snorted the salt – eyeew but fine. I took the shot – fine although it was about my eighth of the evening. I squirted the lime. FUCKING OOOOOWWWWWWW! My eye stung like crazy and I remembered one small detail I’d forgotten in my drunken courage.

I wear contact lenses.

I crawled over to a corner for recovery and took out my contact lens carefully, grabbed a bottle of water and rinsed my eye. I’d certainly caused much amusement in the group especially with the perpetrator. I laughed and joked through my wincing as the stinging gradually subsided. Finally I was OK and properly found the funny side.

That is until I put the still-lime-soaked contact lens back in my eye.

FUCKING OOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!

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