The Hotel Sextape

June 26, 2016
In the lift I went, on this Saturday night, in this busy central hotel in Leeds, in my fucking pants. The lift got to the ground, the doors opened to the foyer, a coachload of Asian businessmen with suitcases had just arrived, there was a huge queue at reception, I gritted my teeth, took a deep breath, shat myself and walked out of the lift.

Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of you, who read my blog for the humorous writings rather than grotesque sexual imagery, can enjoy this latest installment. But let’s just be clear, this is no …

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The Birthday Splash

October 15, 2013

As it is my birthday, and I am fairly suicidal at the prospect of being 35, I thought it might be good to reminisce about my best birthday ever. I’ve never been a birthdays person, in fact at school I demonstrated I barely even understood the concept. I was in the final year of school and was making some flirty banter with one of the girls …

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The Penis, the Pint Glass and the Photocopier

September 19, 2013

In my defence of the classic tale you are about to read, I would say – not many aspiring comedy bloggers could squeeze three different cocks into a single anecdote. In fact, I would probably advise you smear yourself with lube before reading any further. This tale of three parts begins at school, with an immature and puerile act typical of adolescent lads, and continues with …

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The Wrong Kind Of Gym Body

June 25, 2013

Do I go to the gym? Well, thanks for asking. People rarely ask me that, I don’t know why. Even the staff of Fitness First round the corner from work never ask me, as they patrol the streets giving away free passes and enticing the ladies, gentlemen, circus freaks, tourists and the infirm of the Soho area into their gym. Never once have they thought that …

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The Ginger Man & The Strip Club

May 26, 2013

I had a long list of things to achieve before I was 30. The usual stuff, publish novel, win BAFTA, marry Ashley Judd. I compiled this list when I was 20, and ten years seemed like ample time to achieve all my lifelong dreams. I would then retire early, and lose half my fortune to Ashley in exchange for my new squeeze Milla Jovovich. Life …

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The Monastery & the Nude Beach

March 3, 2013

Ah, the nude beach story. A classic. In fact this is the only anecdote on this site that has been written about before, back on my old holiday blog from my trip around the former Yugoslavia in 2007. This seems like a more natural home for it as it is a true classic McCannecdote so I’m going to give it a reboot as is popular …

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I Saw Five Nipples On The Tube Today

February 17, 2013

When I made the above statement to a colleague last summer the response was not “How did that happen?” or even “Cool, what line were you on?”. Rather it was “But why not 4 nipples or 6?” Yes the most unusual thing about the opening above is seemingly that nipples (and therefore presumably breasts) come in pairs and can only be viewed as such. So …

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