Life Tools

Rules For Complimenting A Lady

June 25, 2014

I was dating a girl last year and I wrote a song about her vagina. Words and music. You could say it was a flower ballad. It did not go down well, which was a little ironic.

Women love compliments. FACT. Women hate compliments. Bizarrely, also FACT. The incompatibility of these two statements has vexed me since I first uttered the phrase “that’s a smashing blouse you have on” and was met with “why is this stalker talking to me?” I’m generally someone who likes to say nice things to people. I soon learned that saying nice things to male friends was …

Brace Yourself

March 23, 2013

This anecdote cost me £415 so it better be fucking worth it. I took the day off on Thursday for two things I intensely dislike, the dentist and the barber. With the dentist it’s not so much me that has the problem with it, it’s my wallet. Actually that’s not true it’s both of us. I was “blessed” with not one but two hereditary/genetic conditions which …

The Nudist, the Nutcase & the Earthquake

February 25, 2013

I recounted in my previous post how I found myself in Birmingham living and working. I had settled in the Moseley area, very leafy and green and popular with students, which meant that a lot of my colleagues in the small internet-generation publisher I was working also lived there. I lived just one street along from where JRR Tolkien lived when he wrote Lord of …