The Hotel Sextape

June 26, 2016
In the lift I went, on this Saturday night, in this busy central hotel in Leeds, in my fucking pants. The lift got to the ground, the doors opened to the foyer, a coachload of Asian businessmen with suitcases had just arrived, there was a huge queue at reception, I gritted my teeth, took a deep breath, shat myself and walked out of the lift.

Sorry to disappoint my female fanbase but I must point out that the sextape mentioned in my title does not involve me, at least not in front of the camera. This does however mean that the rest of you, who read my blog for the humorous writings rather than grotesque sexual imagery, can enjoy this latest installment. But let’s just be clear, this is no …

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My First Sober Year

September 29, 2013

I was going to start by saying how surprised I am that I made it to a year without drinking, but I think I knew from the moment I stepped out of the rehab clinic that me and the drinkies were done for good. If alcohol had been a person, I’d have unfriended them on Facebook. Drinking had officially pissed me off and I think …

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The Ironman Tequila Shot

February 4, 2013

In my tequila days I was pretty much open to any tequila-based dare. I was at a leaving party and I was targeted by a tequila terrorist – a rather gnomish former colleague who dared me to do an “Ironman Tequila”. Never heard of it. Apparently: 1) you snort the salt – it’s just like cheap cocaine right? 2) you drink the shot – the easy part, …

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