Circus Freaks

The Wrong Kind Of Gym Body

June 25, 2013

Do I go to the gym? Well, thanks for asking. People rarely ask me that, I don’t know why. Even the staff of Fitness First round the corner from work never ask me, as they patrol the streets giving away free passes and enticing the ladies, gentlemen, circus freaks, tourists and the infirm of the Soho area into their gym. Never once have they thought that …

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Why God Hates Free Newspapers

February 15, 2013

Tonight my journey from work to the Tube was not quite as eventful as last night’s but an interesting thing happened when I arrived at Oxford Circus station. Getting to the station is always a suspenseful moment. Will the station even be open? Every other day around rush hour it gets closed because of overcrowding, so instead of people crowding the platforms and running the …

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So I Stole A Random Woman’s Handbag…

February 15, 2013

Yeah so like the title said, yesterday, I stole a woman’s handbag. She was walking along the street where I work; well, I say walking, she was wearing high heels clearly far higher than she had been trained to walk in. She was clamouring hurriedly along the street like a midget on stilts, or a drunk man who had trod on a nail, clearly unaware that …

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