This is where you’ll find the text I’ve written to introduce my blog. It will be engaging and contextualise the breadth of content available on McCannecdotes. But a post below about a date gone wrong, or a nudey mishap might just catch your eye and you’ll never even read this.

A selection of the shit I've written thus far...

The Passion Of The Christs

“Excuse me,” she said, her angular, Billie-Piper-esque gob thoroughly filled with sandwich as she spoke, “Do you have a moment for a quick survey about religion?” “No...

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The Ginger Man & The Strip Club

I had a long list of things to achieve before I was 30. The usual stuff, publish novel, win BAFTA, marry Ashley Judd. I compiled this list when I was 20, and ten years seemed like ample time to...

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The Swedophile Ring

With the Eurovision Song Contest taking place in Malmo, Sweden this year, I’m already well-prepared in advance for the festivities, with a Swedish flag and a Swedish sash with Sweden written on...

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The Last Date I Never Had

I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. That I would not have to be writing on my blog, satirising this most recent girl I was in touch with through online dating. It seemed like we might even...

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Four Play

This story is just a prelude to a bigger anecdote I am writing which will take about an hour to read and have a spectacular climax. Someone asked me recently if I was a theatre buff. Nice to have an...

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The Date Of The Dead

I have mentioned before my annoyance with the sameyness of online dating profiles. Every girl out there seems to be the same skiing, mountain-climbing, horse-riding booklover who likes travelling and...

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Things I Shouldn’t Have Said To Women

I’m well-known for my way with words with women, sadly not quite in the manner I’d hope for. If there’s something inappropriate to be said I have a habit of saying it and if...

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The Capital C Word

With the title of this post and the last, people might be worried this site is going all Sesame Street themed, but no, just a coincidence. No-one would ever call me conservative with a lower-case c...

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The C Word

This post is about CLASS (why what C word did you think I meant?) Now I don’t really pay any attention to social class, I’ve always had a very broad range of friends with different means...

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The Coming Out & The Punchbag

My first flatmates in London were a gay couple, I’d moved here to London with them. We’d all been friends working at the same company in Birmingham, and neither of them had come out yet...

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How I Lost My Vodka

There are a lot of stories on this site that involve drinking, but to be honest it came as a shock to me how many actually don’t. When I first started writing this blog, I assumed it would...

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The Internet Dumbfuck Virus II

I write this from my bunker deep underneath the streets of Tooting. The Internet Dumbfuck Virus has been spreading and me and my loved ones have taken shelter (by loved ones I mean cat, Lara Croft...

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Brace Yourself

This anecdote cost me £415 so it better be fucking worth it. I took the day off on Thursday for two things I intensely dislike, the dentist and the barber. With the dentist it’s not so much me...

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In The Dreamtime

So I was out last night and managed to pick up this extremely hot girl in the bar, whose only intention seemed to be to take home the first person who chatted her up. We went back to her place...

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The Date With The Mummy

I was seeing this girl and it was getting serious, we’d been on quite a lot of dates but there was a problem, she kept vomiting. To begin with it was quite cute because I knew that no matter if...

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