Tube Tales

The Underground Pie Fight

October 17, 2013

I snapped tonight. No, I’ve not been doing yoga again, this was on the commute home. If you’re a regular reader you will know this has been coming for some time, my journey to the Tube an ordeal because of inconsiderate brolly owners and religious zealots, and my journey on the Tube a constant source of fury because of selfish twat commuters. Well, tonight I fought …

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Taking The Tube To Manchester

July 4, 2013

Imagine you’d never met me (some of you haven’t; you should, I’m nice) and I went up to you in a train station in London and said “Excuse me, can you do me a favour, I need a newspaper, but rather than going to the newsagent just over there and buying one, I’d rather give you the money and you go to Manchester for me by train, pick one up …

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Is Clapping Common on the Northern Line?

February 27, 2013

The Tube has always been a source of amusement for me, as you might have discovered in one of my earliest posts (the coloured underlined text is a hint to go and discover it now if you hadn’t already, I even added a new photo to it). No matter how many times you have heard or seen “mind the gap”, nothing quite prepares you for …

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Tube Map Picture Quiz

February 17, 2013

Really bored? And yet also bored of all the content on this site? Have you literally read everything, or aren’t in the slightest bit interested in my ramblings but ended up here by mistake? Well, how about something which is completely fuck all to do with anything else on the site AND, to be perfectly honest, doesn’t even really belong here at all? And yet …

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I Saw Five Nipples On The Tube Today

February 17, 2013

When I made the above statement to a colleague last summer the response was not “How did that happen?” or even “Cool, what line were you on?”. Rather it was “But why not 4 nipples or 6?” Yes the most unusual thing about the opening above is seemingly that nipples (and therefore presumably breasts) come in pairs and can only be viewed as such. So …

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Why God Hates Free Newspapers

February 15, 2013

Tonight my journey from work to the Tube was not quite as eventful as last night’s but an interesting thing happened when I arrived at Oxford Circus station. Getting to the station is always a suspenseful moment. Will the station even be open? Every other day around rush hour it gets closed because of overcrowding, so instead of people crowding the platforms and running the …

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The Day I Nearly Blew Up Parliament

February 11, 2013

“Hey look at this guy,” one armed policeman said to the other, “Look how … how WHITE he is! White as a freshly seized haul of cocaine. White as a transit van that’s up to no good. And look at his weedy frame and his gormless looking face. He looks like the kind of sort who’s never even raised his voice let alone his hand; …

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The Tooting Samaritan

February 2, 2013

It has been a particularly shitty 7 days so I am going to pull out a good deed McCannecdote™ to cheer everyone up, principally myself… So, it was a Thursday night, and I was heading home after a usual combination of work bar -> local pub shenanigans. I was quite merry and also very tired as it was approaching midnight. It had been a white …

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Why Do People Hate The Tube, It’s Amazing!

August 25, 2009

One thing sets me aside from all other Londoners. I love the Tube, sometimes the Tube journey contains the highlights of my day. Sure it’s cramped and stuffy and almost unbearable in summer, but most days it’s like speeding through a comedy goldmine … and it’s how London’s cutest girls get to work. Where else could you end up pondering whether it’s wrong to fancy …

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