Home Life

The Aliens Up Above Us

July 23, 2013

The people upstairs have always been weird. I don’t mean the people who currently live upstairs have displayed consistently bizarre behaviour in the time I’ve known them. I mean the people upstairs, whoever they were, in the whole ten years I’ve lived in this flat, have always been weird. With only a couple of exceptions. Me and my flatmate live in a ground-floor three-bedroom flat. The …

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The Coming Out & The Punchbag

April 1, 2013

My first flatmates in London were a gay couple, I’d moved here to London with them. We’d all been friends working at the same company in Birmingham, and neither of them had come out yet. People had their suspicions about Thomas, but Laurent hid it fantastically well, behind the simplest of disguises. He was French. Whereas people were used to seeing British guys and making certain …

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How I Lost My Vodka

March 30, 2013

There are a lot of stories on this site that involve drinking, but to be honest it came as a shock to me how many actually don’t. When I first started writing this blog, I assumed it would mainly consist of an endless line of alcohol-related misadventures, but while some of my finest, or perhaps simply most bizarre, stories have involved heavy drinking and inebriated debauchery, the …

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Brace Yourself

March 23, 2013

This anecdote cost me £415 so it better be fucking worth it. I took the day off on Thursday for two things I intensely dislike, the dentist and the barber. With the dentist it’s not so much me that has the problem with it, it’s my wallet. Actually that’s not true it’s both of us. I was “blessed” with not one but two hereditary/genetic conditions which …

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In The Dreamtime

March 21, 2013

So I was out last night and managed to pick up this extremely hot girl in the bar, whose only intention seemed to be to take home the first person who chatted her up. We went back to her place, picking up my cat Whacky on the way there (I’m not sure whose idea that was). She lived in a house with 3 or 4 …

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My True Colours

March 18, 2013

“Whit’s yer favourite colour wee man?” It’s a strange question to be asked in a dank seedy underpass. Maybe when I answered, the other young chap urinating against the wall with his back to me would turn around and my favourite colour would be written in marker pen on his forehead, perhaps these lads were merely travelling magicians. No, I knew exactly what was happening …

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Who Is This Man?

March 10, 2013

On a lazy Sunday morning when I can’t be arsed to leave the house, it seems the anecdotes come to me instead… My sleep was regularly interrupted by many buzzings at the front door this morning. My flatmate Andrea sometimes has students round; she teaches German, so I assumed that’s what it was. Her students are mainly people who have recently engaged in a romantic relationship …

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The Nudist, the Nutcase & the Earthquake

February 25, 2013

I recounted in my previous post how I found myself in Birmingham living and working. I had settled in the Moseley area, very leafy and green and popular with students, which meant that a lot of my colleagues in the small internet-generation publisher I was working also lived there. I lived just one street along from where JRR Tolkien lived when he wrote Lord of …

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The Eurovision Party

February 24, 2013

It’s customary to have an annual Eurovision party at my place, usually involving the same group of cultured friends who appreciate this annual music festival (and home to the greatest new music). My good friend James, my comedy partner from my old job at Camden Council, is a regular and this is the story of his first visit to my flat for the party of the …

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The Naked Neighbour

January 29, 2013

A letter from a (now former) upstairs neighbour, pushed under our door, to explain the ‘commotion’ of the previous evening. This anecdote tells itself really; maybe this is the way forward. Points for typing it up – classy. Points off for the “last nights” punctuation error. I demanded an immediate apostrophe in writing. Lesson – if you’re prone to sleepwalking (and especially if you live …

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