The Donkey Slap, The Millionnairess & The Rentboy

They say “the best things in life are free” right? Which is great because I have no money because I spend it all on shit, and trust me the shit things in life are expensive. But they also say that “there is no such thing as a free lunch”. So either lunch is not one […]

The Online Dating Game, Part I

I signed up for an online dating site last year, with no real intention of actually meeting any “internet women” but out of curiosity about the whole thing and because a couple of people I knew were doing it and it seemed like a rich comedy goldmine. My boss wrote my profile because I was […]

The Piccadilly Croatian Crack Whore iPod Cry Rape Rip-Off

Soho is the creative beggary capital of Western Europe (as well as creative buggery, mind). Where other places just have pickpockets, muggers and teams of organised well-salaried gypsy begchildren, those in Soho wanting something for nothing spend months of planning in elaborate, increasingly believable scams to beg Soho’s poor buggering buggers out of their hard-earned […]